See Ya Melissa

No, Really, I Wasn't Driving in That Lane

**Disclaimer: If you are easily offended by a lot of frickin' cursing and/or own a BMW 1-series, maybe you shouldn't read this.  Just saying...

Everyone says their city has the worst drivers.  But I say Houston has the worst, only because there are more luxury cars per capita here than anywhere, and for some reason, all the asshats that drive them seem to think that owning an expensive car makes them exempt from following the rules of driving.  Uh, not so much.  

As I drove to work the other day, some bitch in a BMW 135i decides that a good time to pass the person in front of her is while in the on-ramp from Shepherd to Memorial.  The ramp turns into its own lane (for those unfamiliar), so it's not like she had a limited amount of pavement in which to merge into my lane.  Oh no, she had miles, but being the super important bitchass that she is, she needed to get around this guy RIGHTNOW, cars in the next lane (me) be damned!

If I were still driving my old car, I would totally just have let this douchebag hit me.  But as I love Sofie (yes, I named my car), I refrained from following my natural inclinations.  Seriously though.  You drive a 1-series!  That's not even a good car!  You could have gotten a much better vehicle, dare I say a cooler vehicle, for the same amount of money.  But no, you are an insufferable asshat and you wanted to be able to tell your friends, "Yeah, I just bought myself a brand new BMW."  But guess what?!  Jokes on you!  A BMW 1-series costs the same as my car!  Your entitlement is void!  VOID!  You, lady?  You are a douchebag.

Loser

The ex is at it again:  

Brian Skinner  to me

show details 3:48 PM (16 minutes ago)

Reply

Any chance this is still your email?

Un-freakin'-believable

Remember when my douchebag ex emailed me wanting to know if I wanted to be update on his life?  Well, he did it again:

Hey. Just wondering if this is still your email address. I would love to update you on my life and get one on yours, if that's alright with you.

Brian

Uh, no.  You were not still wondering if this is still my email address.  You were hoping you'd get an answer this time.  And yes, I know you'd just love to update me on your life now, but do you honestly think I want to hear it?  Are you hoping that whatever it is you're dying to tell me (maybe that you finally got a job? or that you moved out of your mother's house?) will make me want to get back together with you?  Or even make me think that you are suddenly worth my time? 

And why the hell do you think I'd want to give you an update on my life?  Do you want to hear how incredibly happy I am and how great my life is without you?  Actually, that would entertain me.  I bet you think I've been miserable without you, living at home with my parents, unemployed, fat and sad.  No honey, that's you.  I've been great - new city, great boyfriend, still have awesome friends and made a bunch of new ones. Got a ridiculous job that, yeah, stresses me out, but is so totally worth it.  At the end of the day, I come home to a house I own.  Did I mention that the great boyfriend lives there too?  I didn't?  Oh, well, he does.  And it's great.  I don't count the minutes until he leaves like I did when you stayed over.  You didn't realize I did that?  Well, you always were pretty clueless.  As much as I'd love to rub all that in your face, I won't.  You'd probably just use the information to stalk me.  Don't think Rachel didn't tell me you tried to friend her on Facebook.  She's my best friend, remember?  Dumbass.

Anyway, I didn't answer him.  I consulted with Rachel and considered sending a reply that simply said No, but in the end, we all know he'd take that as a sign that I was open to conversation.  And as sweet a revenge it would be to let him know that him dumping me allowed me to create a much better life for myself, I really have nothing to say to him that my silence can't say better.

Road Choad Death o' the Day

*If you're easily offended, you should probably not read this*

Everybody with me then? Ok. A week or so ago, I was reading the headlines for Houston on Google News, and noticed that there were a lot of car crashes in this city. Not only that, but a lot of them are caused by people just being stupid assholes. While I feel terribly for the families (it's never easy to lose a loved one), I can't help but mock the dead. Take our first example. How can you not see a truck stopped in front of you? And how fast are traveling that not only can you not stop in time to avoid hitting it, you die from the impact?!

But by far this story out of La Marque is my favorite. Oddly enough, K and I saw the backup this caused on I-45. We'd gone to the Jack something Park for a morning bike ride and were heading home a little after this, and wondered what was going on. Well, here's our answer: Some asshole in a Mercedes was doing 100 mph on a feeder road and ran into a parked train. People, HOW THE FUCK DO YOU NOT SEE A PARKED TRAIN AHEAD OF YOU?! And, more importantly, WHY ARE YOU FUCKING DRIVING 100 MPH ON A FEEDER ROAD?! Seriously, what kind of asshole are, oh excuse me, were you? No sympathy here. Some would call this a great tragedy. I call it Natural Selection, and proof of Darwin's theories.

Really?! I Mean, REALLY?!

So, my douche-bag of an ex-boyfriend emailed me again last week:

Hi Melissa (I wanted to say Missy, but if I remember correctly, you don't like that anymore),

I tried sending you an email a few months ago (nothing inflammatory, just saying hi) but I did not hear back from you. I am wondering if this is still your email, or if you maybe didn't get my earlier email.

Anyway, I hope to hear from you. I hope all is well in the world of international business.

His previous email actually was also an inquiry into whether or not I was still using the same email address, and a few statements about how he missed me and wanted to update me on his life.  Why, in god's name, would you email me if the last 4 times you've emailed me I haven't responded to you?  Why?!  It doesn't take a freakin' Nobel Laureate to realize that I don't want to talk to you.  My friend Rachel, who regrettably introduced the two of us, thinks he knows he has the right email address, but is hoping that somehow the result of this email will be different than that of the last ones.  Seriously, this guy is pathetic.  We broke up almost 3 years ago, and I've been dating someone else (which, granted, he doesn't know, but still) for 2.5 years, so I really have nothing to say to him. 

Throughout my entire 1st semester in grad school, he would call me a few times a week, which was fine at first, because I thought we could be friends.  But then, when I got really busy with work and hanging out with new people (and dating K), he couldn't understand why I answered my phone less and less frequently.  It all came to a head one night when I was out with K and our friend Oscar and his girlfriend for their birthdays.   My ex called earlier in the evening, but we were leaving for dinner, so I told him I'd call him later.  The restaurant was loud, I was having fun, and we didn't get back until something like 1 in the morning.  Calling him back was the last thing on my mind.  I looked at my phone before K and I went to sleep, and I had 8 missed calls and voicemails from the ex.  And that was just on my cell phone.  He'd left another 3 on the phone in my dorm room.  Whatever, it was 1 in the morning, meaning it was 4am East Coast time, so I just went to bed.  But get this: the psycho called me again at 2am.  I KNOW!  And then he just kept calling back.  Finally, I picked up the damn thing and told him to stop fucking calling and I'd talk to him the next day.

When I did finally call him back, he could not understand why I was mad at him.  He actually thought his actions were reasonable, and certainly no psychotic or stalker-esque.  There were 2 ensuing yelling matches, and then I told him to go the fuck away.  Clearly, he's not so good with the listening.  Even when I was in Armenia he emailed me a few times, and when I sent back very short, neutral notes, he shot back this angry diatribe about how I'd changed and he didn't like who I'd become and the old me would never be so stand-offish.  Loser. 

Anyway, the question really is, what do I do?  K thinks I need to send him back and email that says, "look, I haven't talked to you in years for a reason - I don't want to.  Leave me alone."  However, and Rachel agrees here, I think that were I to email him at all, he would, in his twisted mind, take that to mean that communications were now open and he possibly had a chance with me.  (He really does think this way - when we were dating, he still sometimes would have lunch with his ex Tracy, and come back and ask me if something she said meant that she wanted to get back together.  I should have known to stay away from him.)  A friend of mine from college thinks I should email him back and say, "Hi!  I'm married with 2 kids now! Fuck off!"  That would be pretty funny, but he'd probably think they were his kids and try to get back into my life for the good of the children. 

 

I Make Better... and I Don't Even Cook!

After K got back from a business trip last week, he really wanted some Chinese food.  We haven't had any since my mother left, so we went to Mak Chin's, which is across the street from our gym.  Expecting the place to be packed at 7:30 on a Friday night, we were really surprised to find the dining room almost empty.  The menu looked really good, and the prices were quite a bit higher than your average Asian restaurant, so  our expectations were pretty high.  Talk about a let-down.  We ordered salmon in a coconut something sauce with mango salsa.  For $18, I expect a decently sized piece of salmon.  Instead, the portion on my plate was about 1inch by 4 inches.  That's $4.50 per square inch.  And it was terrible!  The sauce overpowered what little fish there was on the plate, and the mango salsa was basically chopped up mangoes with a bit of cilantro thrown in.  K's was by far the worst, though.  He ordered the steamed vegetables, which when constituting a dish on their own (and for $10 no less) usually have a bit of flair to them.  No.  He received a small bamboo steamer partially full of plain, unseasoned steamed vegetables.  They weren't even salted!

So, what can be learned from this?  Don't go to Mak Chin's.  Don't listen to the people on CitySearch who say it's such a wonderful place.  The restaurant tries too hard and has terrible food.