See Ya Melissa

Because We Can't Be Like Everyone Else *eyeroll*

We are planning our wedding.  No, we are not engaged.  That would be too normal.  If we're going to get married in the first half of next year, though, I really can't wait until he proposes to begin planning.  K knew I was worried about this, so he told me to go ahead and plan the wedding while he figures out the engagement ring.  Part of me really doesn't want to start until I have the ring, but I know if I don't start now, I'll be completely stressed out about the lack of time.  As it is I'm stressed out.  I'm not one of those girls who started planning her dream wedding when she was 5.  Sure, I knew one day I wanted to get married, but I really didn't think about it.  Needless to say, I'm in over my head.

My stress is compounded by the fact that K does not in any way want a "normal" wedding.  He thinks they're too big and too much of a fiasco.  I kind of agree, but I'd always thought I'd end up with a traditional wedding, surrounded by a bunch of friends and family.  He, however, thinks having 50 people is 48 too many. Even with 50 people, a vast majority of those folks would be his family, which I think he tends to forget.  I've been agonizing over this for weeks until yesterday when I had a mini-epiphany after a not-so-mini internal fit. 

Our plan is to have an immediate-family-only wedding in a great (beach) location, then have the reception here in Houston.  Not only will this cut down costs, but it will allow us to have a small wedding without leaving out our friends.  Seriously, once I came to this conclusion, I felt a zillion times better. 

Now all I have to worry about is the Bridal Show... 

Finally!

So after over 2 months, I finally have a functioning computer again.  No, I was not able to fix my old one.  I had to buy a new one.  And, I lost all my data.  Pictures from Susannah's bachelorette party, a ton of music... pretty much everything since 2007 because I can't seem to get my external harddrive that I'd used to backup some of my data since then to cough up the goods.  Booooooo! 

The World is Out to Get Me

I turned 30 a few weeks ago.  And as I strolled through the mall enjoying my day off, I received this email:

Hi Melissa (does anyone call you Missy anymore?).

 

I've sent you a few emails here and there over the past couple years. Either you're not getting them or you're afraid to talk to me. I don't know which. In any case, I wanted to wish you a happy birthday. :-) I hope you are having a great day.

 

Your friend,

Brian

Ok, first off, I haven't answered your last 6 emails, why are you emailing me again, and on my birthday you asshole??  By far my favorite part of this is the "Either you're not getting them or you're afraid to talk to me" line.  It's like his mind can't conceive of the notion that I don't want to talk to him.  And afraid of him?!  Yeah, afraid he'll stalk me!  Which he totally is doing!  He's such a fucking idiot.  He needs to get a life and stop trying to communicate with me.

Then yesterday, I received a LinkedIn invitation from the ex who shattered my heart in college.  It wasn't just the site-generated invitation either.  He wrote a short note with it asking where I was and what was I doing now.  I think I may have stopped breathing for a minute.  After consulting with Rachel (a true savior in times of crisis), I accepted the invitation and wrote him a cordial response, and expected that that would be it.  No, he's been sending me responses all day long.  What gives dude?!  You callously ditch me with no explanation, completely disappear for 9 years, and now you're super chatty?  What bad karma is this?  Is this payback for mocking Brian?  Isn't him stalking me bad enough?

Rain on Your Wedding Day is Supposed to be Lucky, Right?

No, not my wedding day, crazies.  My brother's.  That's right.  He tied the knot last Sunday with the Evil Bitch.  My sister and I had to keep reminding each other (and ourselves) that we are happy because our brother is happy.  Easier said than done.  Especially since The Evil Bitch had us and our men setting up everything for her - from the tent and the tulle swags to reconfiguring the deck from ceremony to dinner.  And did I mention that it was raining like ass?  K and my brother-in-law got soaking wet trying to put the sides of the tent down because she insisted that it stay open even though it rained earlier and looked like it was set to continue.  When the wedding photos are developed, they'll see the ridiculous contrast between the slave labor (that's us) and her family.  My sister's husband and K were soaking wet, and she and I were sweaty and red-faced from running up and down the stairs hundreds of times taking care of the details for her (oh, did I forget to mention that their wedding was on the roof?).  Meanwhile, her family was relaxed and fresh-faced, having lounged around in the air conditioning enjoying beverages and each other's company.  My sister and I were so pissed off about it. 

But what really annoyed me was that The Evil Bitch did the bouquet toss even though I was the only unmarried female over the age of 6 present.  And she did it in a sneaky way.  There I was, telling K and my brother-in-law that the table cloths were in a box that was being rained on, when she calls out, "Hey Missy, catch!"  I had no clue what she was doing, so I turned and held out my arms, catching the bouquet.  K was looking for the box, but when he got back, you could tell from the look on his face that he was not pleased.  Neither of us is keen on being pushed into marriage, and my family is definitely the pushy sort. 

Aside from all that, the wedding was nice.  The ceremony was short, the food fantastic (if a little snobby).  They had these super yummy cupcakes with mango-caramel icing and passion fruit cream centers that were phenomenal!  I should have brought one home...

Unpacking Sucks

I'm here.  I'm officially Texan.  I'm officially a home owner, and I'm officially living in sin.  I'm also surrounded by an assload (and that's a technical term) of boxes full of stuff I haven't seen in over 2 years.  In case you didn't know, I found out I had gotten into my first choice school about 2 weeks before I had to be there, and one week before I was having surgery.  So basically, I had surgery in Pittsburgh, hauled ass back to Virginia to pack up what I'd need to go to Arizona, drove back to Pittsburgh, then drove to Phoenix.  My parents were nice enough to pack up the rest of my house and store all my stuff in their basement before selling my house. 

The issue here is that I've been carting around all my stuff since my freshman year in college.  Are you keeping track here?  That's over 10 years worth of crap, most of which I don't need/want/know about anymore.  When they were packing up, the only things they donated or got rid of was furniture.  Wait, that's misleading.  They got rid of 4 bookshelves and 2 couches.  Out of an entire house. 

So, fast forward to now, and I'm overwhelmed with boxes.  K (and his mom) were astounded by the amount of stuff the movers unloaded into various rooms of our lovely new home.  As the unpacking began, my mom came across pretty much 3 of every kitchen gadget every created, electric range burner plates (we have a gas range), and a slew of counter-top appliances.  See, every time my parents came to Virginia to visit, they'd bring me something they thought I could use.  Sweet of them, yes, but it's created this gargantuan pile of stuff I don't need.  And that's not the worst part.  The worst part is that I've found 2 printers that no longer work, a bag full of god-knows-what my old roommate left, phone books, old plane ticket stubs from 6 years ago, and a shopping bag full of empty shopping bags.  Why would you pack that?  Seriously?

As I go, I'm trying to ruthlessly throw out or donate my things.  I really don't need or want this much stuff.  Honestly, I'm tempted to get rid of it all and start over.  Can you do that? 

The Joys of Buying a House

Ok, so last month I went to Houston to check out houses.  My company's moving division set me up with a realtor who was way better than the last one I had.  There are things about him that irritate me, like his limp handshake and his inability to give straight forward answers.  He's the kind of person who uses five sentences to almost say what could be said in one.  It also means that after 10 minutes on the phone with him, I consistently feel the need to hang up on him.  Barring that, though, he's been pretty great.  He's actually doing his job and working for the chunk o' cash I'll be plopping in his lap when this is all over.

Anyway, K and I came up with a list of 3 houses that we really liked, 2 of which were built by the same guy.  My top choice (and K's 2nd choice) was the builder's home.  It was really cool - almost 2400 square feet, 3 levels, 2 car garage, sunken living room.  It was listed at $340k, so we put in an initial bid of $300k just to see what they would say.  As expected, the owner didn't even want to counter-offer, but my real estate agent managed to coax the seller's real estate agent into countering at $335k.  Recognizing that they were playing hard and that we'd ridiculously low-balled them to begin with, we came back with $320k.  Again, the seller didn't want to counter.  My agent said I should offer a few thousand more and they might accept.  However, one of the first rules of negotiating is not to bid against yourself, so I told him that I would not be offering any more money unless the seller counter offered.  Again, my agent went to the seller's agent, and the seller countered with $332k.  $332!  From $335!  I told my agent I was insulted, and to put out feelers on the 2nd house on our list.  When he told the seller's agent this, they came down to $328.  Still irritated, but hopeful, I told my agent I'd think about it, but in the meantime, to still give me the information on house #2.  Two days later, when they still hadn't heard from us, the seller's agent called my agent twice, asking what was going on.  Then the owner of the agency the seller was using called my agent and told him that they didn't want to lose our deal, so to let him know what he could do.  I didn't feel like dealing with it just then, so we said we were still thinking about it.  The next day, my agent called and said that the company's owner had called him again, and that if we could send them a signed contract at $320, the seller would sign it.  I was so happy about it, thinking I'd finally gotten my house and could now iron out the final details of my move.  Alas, it was not to be.

A week later, we schedule the home inspection.  The results were not good.  For instance, the listing said that the seller had replaced the air conditioner in 2006.  Turns out he'd only replaced the coil.  There were other things, too.  Things more troublesome than misleading wording.  Structural issues.  So we terminated the contract.  That also meant that house #2 was out of the running.  On we were to house #3, which is still in the process of being built.

The community in which it's being built has 1 sales guy.  One.  For a community of over 100 homes.  One.  And he decided to go on unreachable vacation this week.  WHO THE HELL HAS ONE SALES GUY FOR THEIR COMMUNITY AND ALLOWS HIM TO GO ON UNREACHABLE VACATION?!  Seriously!   Luckily the hostesses (I know, right?  Hostesses!) can place holds on properties, so we've done that.  We're hoping for a quick negotiating period (shouldn't be hard) and that they'll actually finish the house on schedule.  It's supposed to be finished on August 27th, which is cutting it really close.  Almost too close. 

But!  In happy news, K's transfer from Atlanta to Houston went through today! Yay!

Having a Day

I haven't been sleeping.  There are a number of reasons why, the least of which is that I've had a bunch of exams.  There's also general stress, relationship stress, school stress and interview stress factoring into my usual insomnia.  But that's not really what this is about.  Well, it sort of is.  Sort of.
My exam this morning basically spanked me.  Hard.  It was a fair test, to be sure, but it was more detailed than I had expected, and I can only hope that my professor has mercy on some of the bullshit I laid out.  Looking for a little pick-me-up, I signed on to IM and hoped K would be around.  He was, but he may as well not have been.  I think the longest response I got from him was, "I'm just tired."  K's not really the talkative type, but still, he usually at least humors me. 
When he gets like this, silent and moody, it really bothers me.  I know he's frustrated and having a hard time because the job search is going really slowly and at times seems hopeless.  I know not to take these things personally, but sometimes I can't help it!  To demonstrate my irrationality, I will offer this tidbit: I found meaning in his buddy icon.  That's right - his buddy icon.  It used to be a picture of us from our trip to Croatia, but he changed it to one of him riding a bull (don't ask).  No big deal, right?  But no, in my ridicularity, all I could think was, 'he doesn't want people to know he has a girlfriend.'  Then I thought, 'oh wait, he doesn't think of himself as having a girlfriend anymore - he's being distant because he wants to break up!'  I shit you not, my brain actually went there.  I know. 
But it all comes down to this: we don't communicate well when we aren't together.  The only time I feel this way is when we're apart.  Thank god we're not one of those couples that loves each other when apart and fights all the time when their together, but still!  Plus I feel like instead of being able to share all the good news about my interviews, I have to hide them from him so as not to make him feel worse.  For instance, I had 2 interviews last week for the Leadership Program at a major bank.  Good for me, right?  I couldn't tell him b/c he applied for the same program and wasn't called.  I know if I told him, he'd be proud of me and say something nice and supportive.  I also know that once we got off the phone, he'd feel angry and annoyed that things weren't falling into place for him. 
So yeah, I'm having a day.  One of those days where I can't do anything right, and nothing seems normal, and I feel I'll never be happy again.  Tomorrow everything will go back to being fine.  But for right now, it's a day.  That day. 

I Have Issues

K is gone, and life is back to sucking.  Hard.  I'm really glad that he was able to visit, especially since we managed to extend his stay to almost 3 weeks.  But going back to the silence and loneliness of him not being here is really hard.  You could probably say I'm mildly depressed.  Which causes me to be listless, irritable, and a complete procrastinator.  Oh, and a mood-swinging bitch.
Right now, I should be working on a group project for one of my classes.  We have a meeting tonight at 6, but have I done any work on it since Sunday?  No.  It's awful!  Why am I being such a slacker?  I have ideas in my head about what I need to write, but I just can't get it out on paper (or computer screen, whatever).  Additionally, I have exams next week, but have I been studying?  No, because I'm being a total basketcase slacker.  What is wrong with me people?!
On a happier note, I'm being flown to Houston for an interview at the end of the month.  My first fly-back!  With an actual, major company!  Holy shit!  Needless to say, I'm scared shitless.  Two of my classmates have already accepted jobs there, and said that I'll be fine, they ask all the qualitative stuff and none of the quant stuff.  That's actually really good for me because I always freeze up when asked the quantitative questions (performance anxiety dammit), but can talk your ear off on the qualitative ones.  Still though, I'm afraid I'll totally bomb it! 

The Mani-Pedi Blues

Since I've been in Arizona, I have yet to find a decent place to get a manicure and pedicure.  There's this place I go to about a mile from school which is ok, but they're not great.  I've tried other places too, but not a single one could make my nasty feet totally smooth and callus free.  This is probably due to the fact that no one uses the razor thingy!  I know in some states it's actually illegal to use it, so I'm guessing Arizona is one of those states.  It sucks.  My feet need the razor!
This all stems from my previous incarnation as a ballerina.  Years of dancing en pointe have made my toes all twisty and snarled, with calluses on the tips.  That's right.  I have calluses on the tips of my toes, and man are those suckers thick.  The balls of my feet?  Same.  In fact, the Ex used to say I had padded feet, like a cat. 
There was a place in Towson, Maryland where I went in college for manis and pedis which was run by a group of Russian women.  Now, I know the Vietnamese are notorious for running nail salons, but the Russians?  They give one hell of a pedicure!  The woman who used to do mine (whose name I have unfortunately forgotten) asked me the first time I saw her, "Did you dance the ballet?"  She knew from the placement of my calluses that I'd been a dancer.  These days, people just think I have weird feet.  But this fabulous Russian woman would have my feet so soft and beautiful by the time she was done.  I loved her.  She was wonderful.  I went back for my 5th year reunion 2 years ago, but lo and behold, the shop had been taken over by the Vietnamese.

Freak Out!

I'm having a whiny day.  Like a really, really whiny day.  In fact, this whole week has been kind of whiny.  I still feel really overwhelmed, especially when I look at my calendar.  I have 2 enormous projects due at the end of the month, and I feel like we (we do everything in groups here) haven't done nearly enough.  This week has been kind of my flake-out week - I didn't finish anything I needed to, and I'm running a good 3-4 days behind of where I need to be.  My goals for this weekend are to catch up as much as possible, and come up with a clearer picture of what I need to do to finish out the semester.

On another note, I had a phone interview on Tuesday evening with an incredibly well-known company that I would die to work for.  I think it went ok, but I can't be sure, because without the body language, I had a hard time gaging the recruiter's reactions.  He said that I should know within the next few days if I have a fly-back, because they're trying to get everyone in within the next week.  Still haven't heard, and I'm really nervous about it...